My Scrambled Thoughts...

I have been debating whether or not to write this and I finally decided that I will.

I have been having a hard time trying to figure out where I fit in. Like, when I went to Washington for my graduation party I didn't feel like I fit in in Washington anymore. Those peoples lives have moved on and I'm not apart of it anymore. As much as it pains me that I'm no longer apart of any of that I just have to get over it. People are going to live their lives even if I'm not there being apart of it.
But I also don't feel like I fit in in Ohio yet. I'm in that awkward stage. You know that stage. Like if you moved churches and you still talked with your friends from the other church and were trying to make friends at the new church but slowly you were losing touch with the old friends. Then you were invited somewhere with the old church! You were super excited but then you had no idea what you were doing with those people cause you had absolutely no idea what they have been doing for the past few months.
Those are some awkward times.
But then you go somewhere with a group from the new church and you again have absolutely no idea what you are doing there because you haven't been in their lives for very long so you don't get any of the inside jokes that they tell. And you can't be apart of the conversation because you have no idea what they are talking about. Later on in the night you find yourself alone, standing awkwardly by yourself, wondering what you are doing there.
Yes, that is how I have been feeling lately.
It's just I would like to fit in and have the kind of friends here in Ohio that I had in Washington. But I don't really think that's going to happen. I'm going to loose touch with a lot of the students here because when this fall comes around I'll not be going to youth group anymore because I'm a graduate and I have to grow up.

The more I write and basically complain about this chapter of my life. I am realizing that I am not trusting in the Lord at all!! It seems like I have been trying so hard to fit in that I forgot that the Lord has me in HIS perfect plan. I will find where I "fit in" eventually; but right now all I need to "worry" about is how my relationship with the Lord is. Am I doing everything to bring Him glory? By this blog post I would say I have not been doing that.

The Bible verse that has been popping into my head recently when I get like this has been:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5
I need to trust in Him.   

Graduate!!

                                     Can't you tell that I was and still am excited to be graduated?!
It makes me so very happy and scared to be done! Why am I scared? Because I have no idea what's going to happen in the future. Am I really going to be going to beauty school in a year? Will I pass my GED test? (It would be really embarrassing if I didn't pass that.) Will I still be able to keep my job next fall when I am hopefully attending Aveda and will only be able to work two days out of the week? I don't know! I dislike the unknown so very much! I started to think that people were going to think/look at me as a dumb person for not doing anything right after high school. It has always been my dream to be a beautician! But what if I'm actually not good at hair? Will I have wasted $18,000 on something that I'll never be good at?

I thought all of that while I was waiting for my family to find me after I graduated. I went into this major freak out mode in my head. But this is a test for me to trust the Lord. I have already stated that I hate the unknown so I need to trust in Him if I was peace about the future. I have a very hard time doing that when I've thought that something was going to turn out very differently. But the Lord knows best. He knows what's going to happen with my life. I will follow Him. I will trust in Him with all my heart. 

Senior 2012!

 That will be me!!! Shaking the principal's hand as he says, "Congratulations Olivia." I'll be thinking, "You have no idea you I am but THANK YOU!!!"

I don't know if people understand how excited I am to graduate!!! It's not just because I'm going to be done with high school - that is a big part of it - it's because I get to go down to Pensacola, FL (that is where my school A Beka Academy is located) and walk to receive my diploma!! That is the most exciting thing to me about graduating high school!! If I was living in WA right now I would not have been able to get this AMAZING opportunity! I am very happy to be living in OH right now and that's a big thing for me to say! 

"Deep, Deep Love" by Herb Frombach

"Deeper than the pain of the mobs bitter words, is the love of the Savoir who only says forgive."
Those words are taken from the song Deep, Deep Love. My church choir sang that song at our Tenebrae service on Good Friday. It was the last song we sang and we sang this song and the song before it in complete darkness. You can youtube this song and hear it for yourself but just think of how this song can impact you in the light! Think of how it impacted everyone when sung in the dark!
Read the lyrics again.
"Deeper than the pain of the mobs bitter words, is the love of the Savoir who only says forgive."
How true those words are! Our Savior's love goes deeper than anything that we can imagine! Also his love in never fading. Aren't we glad that that is true? He will love us and guide us forever. What a great and amazing God we serve!
"Deeper than the thorns pressing into His brow, is the love of a Son who dies for everyone."
"Love never failing to hear my call demands my soul, my life, my all."

Good news!!

We put an offer on a house Monday and it was accepted by the owner!!! But the catch is that this house is a short sale. For those who don't know, a short sale means that it could take months for the bank to approve the offer or to not approve the offer. The reason that people do short sales is that they cannot afford to pay for their house anymore so instead of having their house go into foreclosure and not receive any profit they go to the bank and ask the bank to allow them to sell their home as a short sale where they bank can make a profit and so can the owner. Banks only approve on the homes they think they can get a profit from. So the house goes on the market for much less than it is worth and what is owed on the mortgage.
During the banks part in all of this they like to drag their feet and be lazy. Why? I have no idea. Our realtor says that it could take up to two months for the bank to approve. Not as long as I've heard they can take; they could take longer than two months. But the owner has approved. That's one step down.
Like I said in my last post my family and I really like this house. It is almost perfect for us! Nice front/back porch, four bedrooms, three full bathrooms, a half bath, woods around us, fenced in yard, and a big kitchen! This house sometimes feels to good to be true. Hopefully the Lord allows us to get it! Please be praying!

Pros and Cons

Well living in Ohio is definitely different then living in Washington.
WA has: mountains, large bodies of water, rain most of the year, Starbucks at every corner, usually mild summers, and my friends and family.
OH has: flat land, some hills, humidity, storms all the time, lots of close shopping places, tornadoes, nice people, and the opportunity to go on vacations.
One thing that has changed my mind about the flatness here is that you can see the sunrises and sunsets so much better than with the mountains in the way. I miss looking at the colors the mountains turn from the sunrises/sets but its gorgeous to see the color as far as you can see!
I do miss having a close relationship with people though. Since I am not in WA anymore I have lost some of those relationships. Here in OH I have not been here long enough (i guess) to get the trust of people. Its hard. I am a people person. I love being around people. That's just who I am. But its hard to do that here. Not being invited to things (excluding all youth group events) doesn't help either. But I guess its kind of my fault. I could have made more of an effort to make friends by inviting them to do things and then that would have opened a window for them to perhaps feel more comfortable around me. I don't know. This is just me thinking through why and how come.
I also am at a disadvantage though. I graduate this year and so my fellow seniors that I have been trying to befriend will be heading off to college soon and that relationship will end. And then there's the other people in the youth group that I have been trying to befriend. What will happen to that relationship since I will no long be in the youth group? Will the relationship that I have been trying to build with those people dwindle away also? Goodness. Maybe I shouldn't think about this anymore. It's kind of a downer.
I really don't have anything left in my head to say on this subject.
This really does go along with the title of my blog. Haha.

Time Flies

Goodness, times flies by so fast! My family and I have now been in Ohio for a year and 3 months! We are still in the apartment but are in the process of looking for a house! 

This is the house I like best! But we are going to be looking at other houses either today or tomorrow.

We are all so eager to get out and have more space! (not to mention getting away from our smoker neighbors.)

Recently - like this last Tuesday - I started a started a real job! I know I'm 18 and I have not had one real job. But I do have to say not having a real job has let me do many things that I couldn't have done with a real job. Anyway. I work at Emeritus; a home for the elderly. (Guess where Emeritus' headquarters is. Since you cannot guess I will tell you; SEATTLE! Crazy right? I thought so.) What I do is I serve the residents there their food, take orders and have a smile on all day. Today is going to be technically my fourth day but it's my third day actually serving the residents. So far no one has given me a hard time, which I am very happy about. Hopefully it keeps up for a few more days, maybe a few more weeks.

Switching gears to school. I am graduating high school this May! It is so very exciting, I can not wait! My family and I are going down to Pensacola, FL so that I can graduate with the rest of my class from A Beka Academy! I get to walk and get my diploma and I get a cap and gown!!!!! AHHH!!! So cool!!!
What am I going to do after high school? Well I haven't exactly decided yet. I know I want to go to beauty school but I don't know if I want to take a year to work full time and then next year start or if I would like to start this August. That decision has to be made soon and I have no clue as to what I'm going to do.

Well I think that wraps it all up. I am going to try and write on this blog like every two weeks. Two weeks gives me enough time to remember.